Importantly, these meetings also demonstrate that it's possible to achieve the goal. Like she did.
The crash had been a long time coming for Denise. Starting at age 12 with alcohol and marijuana, she graduated to cocaine in her 20s. By the time she was in her mid 30s she had no job, no career, no driver's license, and no prospects. She had five children with one on the way. She was hooked on meth and sold it for a living. The arrest was just a matter of time.
"The father of two of my kids bailed me out right away. We figured the DHS was coming. Actually, the DHS was more of a threat to me than the legal system," she said. "Sure, I didn't want to go to jail, but if I didn't have my kids, what's the point" of fighting the law, she said.
After her sixth child was delivered, she checked into rehab but she wasn't ready to reform. "I waited until after I dropped (a urine sample) to get high and then pretended I wasn't," she said. "I kept thinking I could beat the system."
The drug tests gave her away and the DHS workers weren't fooled. "They were going to terminate on my kids. My worker told me, you've got to tell the kids."
The next part of the story is burned into her memory.
"I had all my babies lined up in a row on the couch. I sat in front of them and explained that I had relapsed again and that I probably wouldn't be able to keep them. I looked over at my son, he was 15 at the time, and his face... "
She paused, tears not far away. "I like, broke his heart. I said, 'Give me one more chance.' That's when it changed for me," she said.
She got sober and stayed sober, took responsibility and got her kids back, but it was almost in spite of the system. In recent years and with Denise's help, DHS leaders have employed a more family-oriented approach instead of a one-size-fits-all, attempting to prevent foster care if it can be done with safety for the child, to find a relative to help if removal is necessary, and to help parents make changes.
As always, the agency will not advocate for children to be returned to parents who refuse to change habits and lifestyles that endanger children. But today the roadmap to success for a parent in trouble is much more clear.
A critical new element in the agency's central and most populous region is the pre-removal conference at which there will be a Parent Partner, someone like Denise.
"In the past, the DHS would just come in and take the kids away. It was harsh and traumatic. Sometimes children clinging to the mothers, crying, kids are seeing all of that. The parents don't know what's happening," she said.
Now she said, parents are informed of the process up front, at the pre-removal conference. Visitations are arranged right away. Questions are asked to see if there is a relative who would be willing to step up, thus preventing removal to a stranger's home. A family team meeting will be arranged, court procedures explained. A Parent Partner is there to explain the next steps and to "talk their language," Denise explains.
"We tell them that we've been there before. If they're coming out of a domestic violence or drug abuse situation, it's all foggy to them anyway. That's why it's so important for a Parent Partner to be there," she said.
Removals are still traumatic.
"No matter how you remove kids, it's going to be a crazy time. Sometimes the parents are just mad, sometimes they don't understand, sometimes they're under the influence," she said. If they reject help and simply pretend to go through the motions--"I can tell when they're faking it"--chances are high that the removal will turn into termination.
But under the new system, parents determined to change have a better chance of making amends. "We're an example for them," Denise said.
Denise is now the DHS's Polk County manager for the Community Partnership for Protecting Children, which is an approach to child welfare that recognizes that keeping children safe is everyone's business, from parents to courts to neighbors.
For the record, Denise's kids are terrific. That boy who was so disappointed years ago is today a youth counselor, working with other kids at overcoming some of the same obstacles he has overcome. All six are thriving in every way, all doing extremely well in school, all in extra-curricular activities, all beaming at their mom.
"I'm so grateful DHS came into my life," she said. "My kids are so healthy and happy. They have their mom back."
